Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Randomize
