dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Randomize
