I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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