I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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