Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
