I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
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