I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Randomize