Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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