If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
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The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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