Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
