If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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