He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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