you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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