ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
