Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
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