I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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