what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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