Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
