Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
