Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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