I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
