My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize