Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
