using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
