You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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