You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
