i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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