It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
