i think my tv is drunk
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
