The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Randomize