Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
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