I CAN MOONWALK!
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
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he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize