Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Randomize