I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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