she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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