Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I enjoy the company of your penis
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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