How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
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