Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Oh god it's open bar.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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