She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
