I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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