I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
