i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
