so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
