My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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