Will you blow on my dice?
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
