Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
