Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize
