No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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