Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
