I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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