I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
