i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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