Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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