we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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