dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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