He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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