I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
