There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
