omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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