I have demons in me.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
His nipple licking is glorious
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
