pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
