I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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