Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
