i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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