And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
