He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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