i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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