I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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