At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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