Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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