i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
