you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
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