She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
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