Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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