So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Loading more great texts...